come undone

thanks

Thanks for your two cents everyone.  I've been really sensitive to what people say about my son and the adoption and it's been driving me insane. I think I figured out why...I longed for a child for so long and watched everyone and their sister have babies for six years while we couldn't.  Here I am a mom to a great little czar...I think I expected people to share my excitement. I wanted an opportunity to be like all the other moms out there and I didn't get that. I feel singled out with the comments and questions. I think that's bothers me. It's a bit childish, but it is what it is...

I still think people suck though...probably why no one nominated me for that Nice Blogger award thing. I am rotten to the core, I tell ya.

Where the hell is my drink?

I don't get it...

I know, I complain about this often, but I just have to address it again: I don't undertand why people choose to comment on my child when I am just a few feet away...First, he is a child — why say anything? Second, I'm standing right here, you asshole. If you have something to say, please address it to me. Perhaps I'll repond to your question or comment. Perhaps I'll just tell you to go to hell.  Yes, it can more of my being over-sensitive, more of my inexperience as a parent and all that good stuff...but why can't people just leave my little man alone.

I heard a few gems at my niece's baptism yesterday afternoon from people I don't even know. Everyone and their mother knows I adopted. The most common comment was the usual "he looks healthy."  "He's so lucky to have you" was pretty popular too. Today at the park my son approached a bunch of kids at the swings with their moms. As always he likes to visit the kids and try to play, regardless of their age. My sister and I stood a few feet away and watched him smile at everyone. One of the moms asked how old he was. We responded. Then the moms begin a conversation amongst themselves: "He's small, doesn't he look small?" We were standing right there. WTF? I should have addressed it. I wanted to address it but anything I'd say would come out defensive and nasty. We just let Alexander wander back to us. 

I find this so frustrating because it happens a lot — at the park, Gymboree, family events, the supermarket. I try to be a mature individual and walk away. Sometimes I will even answer a question or two about him depending on where it's coming from, but I am quite guarded. I don't question why someone's child is has a different skin tone, so why question me about my son's eyes or his size?  I can complain for paragraphs and it doesn't solve a thing...Maybe I expect too much from people.  My only solution may be to teach Alexander to bite people's knee caps.

In other news, Alexander has mastered the dishwasher and I have reason to believe that he threw out my address book. If I don't call you, it's because I no longer have your number. It's as simple as that. Also, he now kisses me on the lips. No more cheek for Mama...not sure where this came from but it's cute. It should probably stop by the time he reaches high school though.

another month...

Alexander turned 22 months this week...my little boy is growing up and changing every week. It's so weird. And I am so tired. He is everywhere, in everything and mimics me.  I catch him disciplining or nuturing his teddy bear often. Sometimes he mimics me to my face. He also started reenacting his falls and bangs for Mama. He will explain the event calmly using gibberish, facial expressions and hand gestures that he picked up from me. If needed, he will perform an instant replay of the crash. He is a fabulous actor. And I am supposed to show concern and not crack up in his face.

New Words and Phrases of the Week:
- oh boy
- oh no!
- uh oh
- opa! (taken from Papa...it's a Greek thing)
- no

Last night he woke up at 2:20 and didn't fall asleep until 5:00.  I am wiped out. He said he was hungry, ate a bowl of grapes and downed some orange juice. Thank God for Sesame Street. It was on in the wee hours...oh, and he broke the DVD player.

He likes it, hey Mikey!

Today has turned out to be a big day. Alexander ate Chinese food. The meal was nothing outlandish,but still, this is a big event for me.  He dined on spicey pork fried rice, wonton soup, a mouthful of string beans in garlic sauce, noodles and a fortune cookie. I let him dig in on his own and he dipped and experimented...this lover of international cuisine was highly impressed.

To date, he can survive on the basics in Greek, Italian and Chinese restaurants. He has also dabbled in the fruit and cheese meal at Starbucks...what a good boy. We have to work on Mexican now so Mama can sneak in a margarita when no one's looking...

happy things in russian adoption...

I failed to make a big deal about two families:

Heidi is in Russia right now...I think we were sleeping when she went to court!

Susan's referral is back!  Just some minor paperwork revisions and she's all set...right, Susan??

...and some public ball-busting is due for Erin who has a bad habit of disappearing for weeks. POST, girlfriend! 

Did I miss anyone?

a brief rant on infertility and adoption and the rest of the world

Melissa and Starfish had some great posts this past week regarding infertility, adoption and the stupid things people say.  Regardless of what stage you're at on your quest for motherhood, people will always have something to say. It seems it's always unsolicited information and a rude question or comment...and it seems I never have the grace and flair to get through the situation with ease.  While doing IUIs and IVFs, we heard "why don't you just adopt?"  When we found ourselves "just adopting," and we were subjected to "I just don't understand why you don't want your own..."  Now there's this belief that I have an instant family and all my problems are solved because my son is home...because when you adopt or have a successful IUI or IVF with a singleton you should be satisfied with your one child. God forbid you should want more children like everyone else...that's just being greedy.  Oh, and your/your spouse's infertility is cured now.

And I try to explain myself, justify a few things and correct people when they're misinformed...I feel the need to stand up for myself and other infertiles and adoptive parents, but it never makes a difference. I know the emotions are still raw for me and I know I come out swinging...but someone's got to stand up for themselves and others in the same boat...this very big boat.

On another note, to echo what Melissa discussed in her post: I am really tired of people commenting on my child's size. Still haven't figured out how to handle that one with grace...

ok...

OK, so the perfect balance may not exist...a girl can dream, damnit...but I just know someone in Idaho has it all figured out.

Anyway...

Today is starting off in an interesting fashion. I am sick: fever, terrible sore throat on one side, aches and pains and a bad mood. The day began with the czar frantically searching for his small magnetic car. He destoyed the flat in the process, meaning it looks worse than usual around here. "Car?? CARRRR??" By 7:30 AM, we had an overturned cat dish with its contents spread out all over the kitchen floor. No, the car wasn't in there, but it did make a later appearance. I was making Trader Joe whole wheat happy pancakes and while flipping a few cakes, the small magnetic car flew into the pan. The cat has been chased into the bedroom with a plastic spatula and he's just found the cable wires that were safely tucked away into a baby-proof protector thingy.

It's 9:30 AM. 

Help me.

the perfect balance

Things are better here in Czar-land.  I do my best to refrain from freaking out and my son seems to be going with the flow.  Some overturned dishes were promptly removed and I haven't been slammed in the face since Friday.  Alexander is a normal little boy and I try to raise him as such, but when things get nutty, I always wonder if there's something I am missing...then I consult the gurus in the web-world. Thanks again. 

This past week was a good example of Too Much Work Makes Mama Want to Drink. I really have to make it better around here. My goal is to find the perfect mom/work balance...and let's face it, this doesn't exist but I'm stubborn so I have to keep looking.  Right now, I work during naps, after bedtime and on weekends when Papa is home.  I am very fortunate to have a child that naps for two hours twice a day and sleeps for nine or more hours each night. All that rest gives him the energy he needs to go nuts...I made the decision to stay home with my son in August. A spat with my office pretty much influenced my decision and I give them 10-15 hours a week. At times it is not worth the time and aggravation, but It's grocery money. For now. The medical publishing firm I freelance for has decided to give me more work which will give us the boost we need to get out of this rental and into a house with a backyard and a perfectly tanned pool boy. I really need that perfectly tanned pool boy...and did I mention he struts around nude?

So every day I raise my son and do some graphics...some things must suffer. There just isn't enough time in the day, or I'm just too damn exhausted. For me, it's house cleaning and laundry slips through the cracks. My flat is a disaster. Mind you, we only have five rooms plus a foyer. We have toys everywhere, a nice layer of dust forming, a litter box that has the potential to explode on occasion and we live out of a laundry bag. Who the hell has time to put clothes away?  Get a cleaning woman? I'm too embarrassed to have someone in here to see how we live...but I did farm some projects out. Like laundry. I just don't have time to pump quarters in a machine. Our Laundry Man delivers everything folded in perfect little squares...and they sit in the bag until we need them. I do wash the czar's stuff at my mom's and that's only because I feel bad. Just because we run out of pants doesn't mean he has to as well.

So anyway...which one of you has the perfect mom/work balance going on? Unleash your secrets and share them with the world. I will praise you for your efficiency and motivation and secretly curse you out because I'm jealous.

day at the beach...Jones Beach

   

and October 13 was Baptism Day...

Baptism Day has come and gone...it was a great day and I'm glad it's over! Below is a brief explanation on what the Orthodox baptism is like. The priest was awesome...Aunt ME served as our Christian Witness but ended up acting as godmother and the godfather did a great job handling a wriggling czar.

The ceremony:
The godparent guarantees the sincere intentions and Orthodox belief of the person to be baptized. He or she is given the honor by the Church to assist the parents in the spiritual nurturing and upbringing of the child. It is the godparent then who responds on behalf of the child to the questions posed by the Church, thus renouncing satan and accepting Christ as King and as God. The godparent also recites the Creed paying further witness to the faith and teachings of the Church. It is for this reason that the sponsor must be an active member of the Orthodox Church and becomes from that moment the spiritual brother or sister of the parents.

Following the initial petitions and prayers blessing the water, the pre-baptismal anointing with olive oil takes place. Oil has always been a religious symbol. It is a natural source of light and joy, and in ancient times was primarily used as medicine. The priest makes the sign of the cross in the water with the oil three times and anoints the person who is to be baptized on their brow, their breast, their ears, their hands, their feet and their back. The candidate is baptized with the triple immersion in the name of the Holy Trinity, during which the entire Church "seals" each with an "Amen."

The priest also cuts hair from the infant's head in the form of a cross. This is done on behalf of the child who offers a gift to God to thank Him for the great blessings which has been received. A white garment, symbolizing purity and righteousness is placed upon the newly baptized along with the Baptismal Cross. The celebrant leads the newly baptized with their godparent in a circular procession around the baptismal font.

Finally, the newly baptized partakes of the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist.

And now some photo highlights...