Two years ago I was crying under the diningroom table because I couldn't get through to this little guy. I was covered in food and had a few bruises and bite marks, courtesy of this little person wandering through my halls. I was completely overwhelmed and frustrated. Trust issues, food issues, attachment issues, developmental issues and God knows what else — I didn't know how we'd survive, but we did. My little boy is home two years. We're not a perfect family unit, but we're pretty damn good. I'm proud of what we've accomplished and how we've grown.
While my czar had a whole new world to confront, I had a lot to confront as well. This role of motherhood, a role I craved so badly, was something I didn't know how to prepare for. I spent six years trying to be a mother and I let that journey consume me...when motherhood was finally presented to me, I didn't know what the hell to do. It was quite an adventure, but I learned a lot. I've learned to trust my instincts — and the majority of the time I've been correct when it comes to the czar. Each successful situation gave me confidence, and each situation helped him realize "hey, maybe this lady knows something." Mostly, I've learned it was OK to go against the norm and just do what's best for us. No regrets. Hey, I'm even thankful the economy forced me to stay home and struggle with freelance work. It made me more available to this little boy who needed — and still needs — the extra attention.
food
I am thankful to have a child that craves the healthy stuff. He favors a diet of fruit, vegetables, yogurt, pork, beef and whole wheat pasta. Pickles and olives are always a hit. Cucumbers and tomatoes are totally amazing. Nuts are so awesome and sometimes we'll eat a scrambled egg. Kiwi yogurt is his newest obsession. Like most kids, he'll invade the cookie tray, eat ice cream and pick on pizza and I've learned not to freak out about it...in fact, he rarely finishes the cookies he grabs. Cake? He's not interested. Burger King? Yes, he's been there. He eats salad or apple slices and likes to wear the paper crown. He always returns to his healthy core diet when we're home. When he's hungry, he will eat. When he's not, he won't. Just tonight, he had fruit for dinner...fine with me.
the physical stuff
He is all over the place. It's insane and wonderful. He has a "great arm" and loves to tumble. I let him run free and watch those problem-solving skills come into play. He will fall, smash into a wall, jump down a flight of stairs...it makes most moms nervous. For me, it's the norm.
attachment
I'm not sure what a true attachment is, so I won't sit here and claim that we are completely attached. He trusts me, confides in me and has fun with me...it's great. He falls asleep on his own now, knowing that I'm in the next room. Just two weeks ago, he finally became comfortable with the concept of "mommy always comes back" and was able to stay at day camp. No nervous breakdowns. No panic. If he gets hurt, he needs mommy. If he has a great idea, he needs mommy. I'm loving it.
There's tons more to write about, but I guess it's boring to hear how well things are going. I'm avoiding the potty training topic because even I'm tired of it. One day...I just can't believe it's been two years. I survived!