come undone

telling like it is (I curse at kids, etc.)

As usual, it's been a bit busy around here and I haven't had a free moment to think. Oh, and my son is satanic these days, but what else is new? 

He is potty trained. Generally. The accidents he has are not accidets. I call them "fuck you situations." He doesn't have "fuck you" in his vocabulary just yet, so he will pee or crap everywhere when he needs to let me know he's super angry. I'm thinking implenting "fuck you" may be the way to preserve my sanity. It's easier for me to handle than a few explosions.

Certainly, a "fuck you" could have been useful at yesterday's birthday party. There were some little girls behaving very badly towards my son (one of which was his own cousin!) and I know a good "fuck you" would have been so empowering...for me anyway. The same goes for the older kid that was punching my son right in front of me, but I'm thinking a kick to the jaw would have been more exciting. I know...I have class, but I get ten points for restraint. Kids will be kids, but being a complete shit is uncalled for. I just don't think it's OK. If I left my son to his own devices he would have slugged everyone (think baptismal reception from the summer when my son was accused of belting everyone), but instead i removed him from the situation a few times and we played outside in the rain. I wasn't quiet about it though, which is how I roll. Again, I'm a class act...can't wait to see the same crowd at a birthday party in November.

Preschool is fine, believe it or not. They got him to eat tortellini and fish sticks, so Im impressed with the establishment. I could never get that stuff passed his lips. Last week a woman from Musical Munchkins came to sing with them and the czar FREAKED when the maracas came out. This happened twice at Gymboree andI didn't think anything of it, but here we go again. The czar's teachers didn't know what to do for my screaming czar but Miss Gina managed to calm him down. This music lady returns in October and I'm curious to see what happens when those maracas come out again. I'm gonna sneek a peek that day, My baby! We're also hosting Snack Day at school. I'd love to throw Halloween candy at everyone, but apparently there's this healthy snack rule that must be observed...people don't know what they're missin'...

It's 8AM and my son is still asleep. I think it's gonna be a good day. We're off today to find leaves for school..."leaf rubbing" is on the agenda this week. Yay leaves! 

Oh, and we're buying our first home, a condominium. After 8 years of renting, it feels good to finally make a purchase and make something our own. It's a good stepping stone for us, and yeah, it's exciting to be able to paint my walls whatever color I want. We hope to be in sometime in January. It's in our building which is a good thing. We're close to the Bronx and Manhattan and that makes me happy...think friends, zoos, museums, parks...and Christmas in New York! Man, I love that Saks Fifth Avenue building around the holidays...

Wednesday

The czar seems to like preschool — once he's there. He is not a morning person and having to leave home at 8:45 goes against everything he believes in. Our preschool mornings begin with tears but I am convinced he's just trying to play me. At camp, tears and peeing/crapping yourself meant mommy got called in. That doesn't happen here so he has to do what he can at home or in the car. Once he's around his teachers and the other kids he's happy. I know this beause I spied on him.

We had a parent information meeting for the school last week. My husband and I had a chance to speak with the director, the new head teacher (who's a mom of 3 and blah blah blah) and the two teacher assitants. It seems we are all on the same page...and it seems I let my emotions run high when we all met previously, and they understood, and I understood and it was all good. Our conversation with the director ended with a hug and kiss which was surprising but ok. My talk with her illustrated how things work in that school and I'm liking it. It's a granola kind of place and my son can do his thing and be happy...and they feed him and he eats what's put in front of him and that's friggin' exciting. 

Potty training: I think we're there, kinda sorta. And that's all I can say because I don't want to jinx it.

kate is a mom

It happened! My friend Kate is a mom. I am so, so happy for her. A new journey begins now. I can't wait!

icky post, like seriously...

I think it's terrible that all I discuss lately is pee and poop, but it's the center of our universe lately..like, my hands STINK and I can't get rid of the scent — that's how often we're having "accidents" around here. Oh it's sickening. He did OK in school and went through three pairs of Thomas and Lightening McQueen underwear in three hours. At home, he began to pee on the floor, pee on his cars and — my absolute favorite — crap in his pants excessively. 

I'm tired. And I ran out of quarters for the machines downstairs and I forgot to get more when I went out. I purchased over 40 pairs of underwear and honestly, it just ain't enough.

Day 6...damnit.

day one

  

The well oiled machine that is preschool sucked in my child.  Driving over was interesting: "I'm not going. I don't want to go. I'm not going."  Four teachers were ushering screaming children into the backyard. My child became one of those screaming little people. He was swooped up by a kind-faced, enthusiastic teacher and shown the cars. I was escorted down the driveway by the director who gave me a hug and a kiss (?!) and told me we will have a successful school year. I kinda liked that...

So I'm home with coffee and will indulge in some facebook then organize the workload in the inbox.  Noon comes fast.

I also have to mention that I was awakened by the sound of the czar urinating in the toilet. By himself! His pullup was DRY! Exciting.

he was ready...

Beginning day 3 of potty training and he's doing just fine. Really. I think I overreacted a bit at the preschool...still pissed they changed a policy, but feeling a bit stupid because they knew my son would be fine if I took their advice...for the fourth time in the past 12 months, I've resorted to exclusive underwear use. It was always a disaster and I felt I was pushing him...this school thing pissed me off and I thought I'd try it again. It's friggin' working BUT I must say it's been a year and I'd like to think that SOMETHING I did along the way clicked. Whatever...day 3 and he goes alone, standing, with various techniques: hand on wall, one leg on toilet, etc. It's amazing and I'm proud of my czar. 

Of course now I have to think about where bathrooms are everwhere I go and the ide aof using one at a supermarket completely schkeeves me out.  i should start implicating the pee-in-a-soda-bottle technique now. He'll be doing it when he starts driving anyway. 

thanks! and some tmi

Thanks for the support and advice. I'm feeling better about it all after a few hours of venting...and I guess that woman was right about the underwear thing. I kept it on him for most of the day. After going through 6 pairs, we peed 3 or 4 times and I was able to stop a bowel movement mid-push and threw him on the toilet. We are now celebrating "stink stink"...and he's back in a pull up for the overnight.

I'm exhausted and emotionally drained.

preschool...(sigh)

(Warning: irrational thoughts and bad words.)

So I'm just in from buying underwear for my son. This was unplanned since the pediatrician and I had recently adopted the "he'll go when he's ready" philosophy after months and months of coaxing and failed methods, etc. What brought this on? I went to drop off his shitload of paperwork and tuition at the preschool and was greeted with "We changed our diaper-friendly policy." I turned white and shit myself because one of the reasons why we chose this place was because of this wonderful "diaper-friendly" policy. The happy concept of "he'll be inspired to go on his own when he sees others go" left me feeling peaceful...hearing this made me go batshit knowing my son will be peeing and shitting all over himself in school...kinda worried about him being shamed into doing it. I'm not a fan of that method. It doesn't work around here. So all this is going through my head and I shot back with a kinda not-so-nice "What? Wait, I enrolled him because of this policy..." In a split second I became of those moms that will make them nuts. (Good.)

Director: "hold on, hold on, we're gonna work with you."

Me:  "When were you going to announce this policy change?"

Director: "Oh at next week's parent meeting."

And then the teacher was dragged out and she explained thats she's the mother of three and putting the kid in underwear is successful and all that shit. My son is 3½ and it's time and she knows what she's doing. Yeah, yeah, that's fucking great. Who are you again?

Teacher: "He's only here 2 mornings so you need to work with me."

Director, trying to be supportive: "Yeah, I know you must want this for your son."

And I stood there a bit stunned and probably had a nasty facial expression because I'm still trying to digest the "I'm the mother of three and I know all" speech and this new policy they just pulled out of their asses a few days ago. Of course I want him potty trained...refer to my explanation in first paragraph.

Then more of the full day shit...

Director: "You really need top be open to full days too. He will learn so much."

Me: "Full days do not interest me at all."

Director: "I'm a doctor of education, Blah blah blah."

Me: "I'm his mother. I know my child and I'm not even a fan of preschool. I enrolled him to be socialized blah blah blah."

Director: Blah, blah, blah

Me: "No. I'm sorry. No. He's 3."

Director: "Well, we don't even have a space open anyway. Let's see how it goes."

Me: "He's 3 and you're talking about a 6 hours program. He's 3. And I'm trying to recover from this new policy of yours."

Director: "Well, let's se."

Me: "He's 3!"

And she smirked and went inside and I walked away feeling everything under the sun muttering "I think mommy made a big mistake." 

This place has a great reputation and people speak highly of it, so I'm keeping the faith. Plus I'm paid until December. If the program turns out to be amazing I will review that full day program...and for only two days a week. I think paying someone for my kid to nap and do puzzles is fucking ridiculous...but that's just me.

It was intense for me. I didn't expect this policy change and I didn't expect the speeches and they definately weren't expecting me to be one of THOSE moms...part of me thinks they should have taken a different approach. I'm a first time mom, new school and all that shit...and I know I need to welcome change and all that...I was just...suprised today. And he's my baby and I have my period and haven't slept well in days so I'm doing really well. 

Anyway, the czar is wearing his underwear right now (a construction vehicle boxer-brief number)...we've been down this road several times and I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it. He's upset because he was present for the whole fucking exchange and has decided he doesn't want to go to this school...change is hard, little man, and we'll do our best. Just save your biggest shit for that new teacher of yours next Tuesday. Make them earn my XX fucking grand...(cost edited because I'm tired of justifying it)

hi

Summer is over...can you believe it? We had a successful "let's keep the czar busy" summer. There was virtually no work in my inbox and I was able to escort him wherever. I even had time to sit at Starbucks while he went to camp.

Now we're in September. The czar starts a 2-morning preschool program next week in addition to a weekly 2 hour gym class. Filling out the paperwork for preschool bordered on ridiculous. It seemed just a few sheets short of what I had to provide for the adoption. JUST TAKE MY KID AND KEEP HIM BUSY and again, I got the "are you sure you only want to enroll him in a half day? He'll be the only one..." They asked if I'd like to come to class and talk about my profession. I said no and explained there's no way I could explain what I do without profanity...This preschool doesn't understand my humor.

And speaking of what I do, my inbox is filling up with projects and it's a good thing. The grocery money people and medical publishing folks have woken up. Thank God...because it kinda sorta looks like we'll have a place to call our own. Can't say much because I didn't sign anything, but I'm feeling good about it. It's not the dream house we envisioned but it is a good stepping stone. We'll see...it looks super good right now. This is the fourth time we've pursued a property and the first time we've gone this far. 

What else? OHHHH got an iPhone. How the hell did I survive so long without something like this?? Nevermind the stupid games and crap I downloaded, it's got all my music! It's got my email! It makes me very happy.

I think that's all I've got for now. I'm alive, just busy. :)